By Lyn Abby M. Bigord, Skill Builder for FCA Youth and Family integration
From messy bedrooms, grades and missed buses to forgotten homework and skipped conversations—teens today are navigating many of the same pressures their parents faced growing up, but with a major difference, conversations are gone and screens are taking over.
In the ideal family sitcom, the dinner table was a place of connection. Someone was always pushing vegetables to the side of their plate claiming cauliflowers are gross, someone else was excitedly chatting about their latest crush, rushing through dinner for the three-way phone call about what to wear to the upcoming party and a parent was lovingly nagging everyone to finish their food. Mom checked in about the day. Dad threw in a dad joke. And the family, as chaotic as it was, talked. They talked to each other, at each other and over each other.
Today, the dinner table looks very different, if it even exists at all.
Instead of laughter, stories, jokes and eyerolls, the table is cluttered with unopened mail, Chromebooks, and random fidget toys. Family dinners are now reserved for holidays, if that. And even then, the first debate is usually about who has to put their phone away. Teens scroll through TikTok watching the latest dance trend, tweens obsess over anti-aging skincare routines, toddlers are glued to iPads, and parents? They’re checking emails or getting lost in Instagram reels watching their favorite families wear the perfect matching sets in the perfect magazine styled home without a single color.
Communication fades. Days, sometimes weeks, go by without a real conversation. Parents feel disconnected. Teens feel unseen.
And in that silence, everyone is together but alone. Alone, when teens feel alienated by their friend groups at school. When they lose a friend and when they don’t get invited to a sleepover or when they find out a friend has been talking about them behind their backs.
Teens are not the only ones with the problem, parents are just as hooked. They scroll during dinner, during playtime, even during conversations. The phone gets more eye contact than the people sitting two feet away.
The screen has become the new cigarette.
It’s comforting, addictive, and socially acceptable, even when it’s quietly tearing at the fabric of family connection.
So how did we get here? And more importantly, how do we beat the algorithm? How can teens and parents have their emotional needs met by each other instead of likes and comments but by eye contact and conversation?
There’s no easy fix. But the first step might be admitting the problem out loud, we’re spending more time with strangers online than with the people in our own homes.
Start small. One no-phone dinner a week. A walk around the block without headphones. Fifteen minutes of distraction-free check-in at bedtime.
Continue to chase activities but be in the moment, don’t chase the perfect Instagram photo to pair with the perfect trending audio.
Because as much as likes and comments can feel good, they’ll never replace the warmth of eye contact, laughter around the table, or simply being heard by someone who matters.
Families don’t need to be perfect, but they do need to be present.
